This week has really gotten me thinking about the reality of unmet expectations. So much of the disappointment we experience is as a result of unmet expectations, and unfortunately, unmet expectations are as a result of situations that are not typically in our control.
Over the past 4 weeks, I have been faced with unmet expectations and I know that I am not alone in that. Many people have cancelled or postponed plans due to lockdown protocols; and this has resulted in unexpected heartbreak.
We often feel that people cannot relate to our disappointment because they haven’t experienced the exact same disappointment, but truthfully, we all know what disappointment feels like regardless of the source.
Twenty-Nineteen was a year of unmet expectations for me, in fact, over the past ten years I have experienced many big moments of disappointment. Not to mention this year; none of us expected Twenty-Twenty to be this life-altering. However, one thing I have learnt on this ten year journey is that no disappointment goes unnoticed by God. Every unmet expectation results in real revelation.
I’d love to share one of the unmet expectations that has really shaped my perspective. It all started roughly ten years ago when I was faced with one of the most challenging questions, what do you want to be when you grow up? For kids, this is a question that sparks imagination, but when you really need to decide, it can be intensely daunting.
For eleven years I had my heart set on becoming an early childhood development teacher, but with the decision looming, I decided that teaching was not for me. I had experienced what working with children was really like [another unmet expectation], and it wasn’t something I wanted to pursue any more. Not to mention that studying a teaching degree was very limiting. What if I wanted to change my career in a few years? Teaching didn’t give me that flexibility.
So I had ruled out that option, but I was still faced with the question, what do I want to be? [Little did I know at the time that I was asking myself the wrong question. I should have been trying to figure out who I wanted to be instead]. During this process I shadowed a few Occupational Therapists, and decided that is what I want to be. So I immediately applied to study at Wits University.
Some context; in high school, my heart was set on teaching, so I didn’t take subjects that would be beneficial for a Science degree, let alone for a Health Science degree. But I decided to go for it anyway. And I reassured myself with the thought; this is what I want to do, this is what I need to do, this will give me purpose, God will give me the desires of my heart.
This is the part that so many others can relate to; the disappointment of an unmet expectation. I wasn’t accepted to study Occupational Therapy. The one thing I had set my heart on wasn’t going to be a reality and I was crushed, yet I was still persistent. I wanted this more than anything else at the time and I was determined to make it happen. I made an appointment to meet with the head of the Occupational Therapy department, but unfortunately she had no control over who was selected for the year. She reassured me by suggesting that I study a General Bachelor of Science, and reapply with my first year marks.
I was determined to make this happen, and so I followed through with the suggestion. But as you would have guessed, I was not accepted a second time. Now, absolutely crushed by the rejection of not being good enough and bitterly disappointed that I still didn’t have any direction for my life, needless to say, I didn’t take the news very well.
The reality of expecting to become an Occupational Therapist not happening became overwhelming. More specifically, I was overwhelmed by the thought of, what am I going to do with my life? At that point there was only one thing I knew for sure that I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to graduate.
Fast forward five years, and I finally graduated. And I’d love to say that there were no other unmet expectations along the way, but that just wouldn’t be reality. I graduated with a Bachelor of Theology [oh how life can change when we choose to relinquish control and trust God].
In the process of discovering what I wanted to be, I didn’t factor in who I wanted to be. When I had the revelation that who I am is more important than what I become my perspective shifted. Unmet expectations are still disappointing and are very real, but there is always something beautiful in the things we don’t expect if we take the time to look for the beauty.
For me, graduating was a big deal [and maybe I have a few too many "movie" expectations], I really wanted to graduate with a cap and gown. When I started studying at Wits I was unaware that graduates don’t wear caps. Although I may not have graduated with the degree I initially expected, I really did get the desire of my heart.
On my graduation from Seminary, I graduated with a cap and gown, and I was even able to keep the cap [look at God showing off, just because He can]. God knows our hearts, our dreams, disappointments and everything in between; but if we choose to look past the initial unmet expectation we will experience a fullness of life that holding onto our expectations could never meet.
A final thought, unmet expectations are not the end of the story, just an opportunity for God to create something beautiful out of the chaos that life throws at us.
Thank you for giving me the space to share my heart. I would love to hear about how God has brought revelation to you in the midst of unmet expectations.
JCS
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