The past eight weeks have been interesting, to say the least. Everything for the past few months has really been a whirlwind but especially the last eight weeks.
Let me catch you up.
At the beginning of November, I wasn't feeling well and decided to get it checked out at the emergency room at the local hospital. What we hoped would be nothing serious quickly became hospital admission, lots of tests, surgery and a week long stay. Since then, I have been recovering at home and what a process that has been. It has taken eight weeks, but I'm finally starting to feel like a functional human again.
More than anything, I have needed to be really intentional at keeping my mind healthy. When you're completely restricted and barely even able to do simple every day tasks without needing help, it can really mess with your mental health, mostly feeling like a burden and totally useless.
Although I have felt useless and, for the most part, that was totally true - I was reminded daily that if all I did that day was let my body heal, that made me useful, and that became the only expectation I had for myself.
If our expectations are realistic, our mental health can be managed.
It's so easy to have a warped view of what healing looks like.
I have been so challenged over the last eight weeks by that. When agreeing to surgery I knew that it was a minimum of six weeks recovery. I knew my ab' muscles would be severed. I knew that I was going to have a 10cm scar in the middle of my tummy. I knew that this wasn't going to be an easy process, but I totally underestimated what the healing would really look like.
Scars need time to heal and our expectations need to be realistic.
You may not have been for surgery or needed to endure the physical recovery of being able to walk upright on your own, but we all experience hurt that needs healing. We need to be kind to ourselves during the process.
Scars don't need to be visible to be real. We all have scars we don't talk about, scars we wish we didn't have because scars are a reminder of the pain we endured.
Our pain may not look the same, our scars may not look the same, but we can all relate to pain and we can all relate to scars. We're all different, but all relatable.
I may not understand what caused your scar, no one may even be able to relate to your exact situation, but we all have scars and the healing is not in being understood, it's in the process of walking alongside another scarred person.
The scarred person that I love walking alongside the most is Jesus. He understands the pain of wounds and the vulnerability of exposed scars. If there is anyone who completely relates to humanity, it is the one who bore the pain of all humanity.
Isaiah 53 MSG
v3 We looked down on him, thought he was scum. But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures.
v5 But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him— our sins! He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed.
Through Jesus' bruises we get healed. Wounds become scars. Scars become testimonies.
Scars are not pretty and I'm sure anyone with a scar wouldn't be keen to show it off. I definitely don't want anyone to see my scar [goodbye bikinis forever].
But scars should be celebrated because where once was an open wound, of hurt, pain, regret, or trauma is now a fully healed reminder of what has been overcome.
And scars hurt too. I wish someone would have told me that I would experience random pain on my scar [that would have been a nice warning]. So just because the wound has healed, doesn't mean the pain totally goes away.
But you are a miracle. Our bodies are miracles. We heal hurt and produce scars without even thinking about it. But if we want to grow stronger from the hurt, then we're going to need to fight through a little more pain to gain extra strength.
As mentioned, during my surgery my muscles were cut down the middle, so in order for me to actually be able to walk, sit up straight or even get out of bed without rolling out of bed, I needed to strengthen my core. It's going to be a continual process.
It's a whole lot easier to treat hurt that can be seen, but if your hurt is unseen, if your scars are not visible to the human eye, just know that you have the strength in you to build the muscles necessary to overcome whatever trauma you have faced.
Your scar will be a reminder to yourself of the strength in you, to overcome, heal and grow stronger every day. And maybe one day, you'll be brave enough to share your scar with someone. A story of resilience, and courage.
A bikini wearing story.
JCS
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