There are moments in life that really just shove you back into reality, and this usually happens to me when life doesn’t go my way or I hear news that hits me in the gut. It’s those moments that shift my perspective and make me think, is my way, really all that matters?
This week, I heard some news that really broke my heart, and with all the tragedy happening around the world right now, it did more than just break my heart, it gave me an opportunity to reflect on my own life.
A few years ago, a friend tweeted this: The question is not: "when is the world going to end?" But rather, "are we brave enough to really live like it started, here and now?" And this question resonated with me recently, are we brave enough to really live?
Life can too quickly be taken for granted, and it’s only when we start to realise how quickly life can be lost that we truly value and realise just how precious life is.
Nine years ago I experienced a time in my life, when I didn’t feel brave enough to really live. As a typical teenager, I was overwhelmed by the pressure of being a first year BSc student going through a break up; which seems so trivial now. But it definitely did not feel trivial to me then, it felt as if my world was collapsing around me. I for sure had my focus on, when is the world going to end; world, please end…
During this time, I was involved in quite a serious car accident that wrote off my car, but I was not badly hurt. After realising the extent of the impact that the accident could have had on me, my perspective shifted. Instead of wanting my world to end; I knew that God was not done with me yet. And if that was the only reason I had to live, I needed to be brave enough to live like life had started, here and now. This was the hope I held onto.
After a few emotionally and physically rough months, you’d think that life would stop throwing low blows [but we all know that’s not how reality works]. I had plans to go on vacation with friends, but none of those plans happened because of an enlarged spleen [the size of a rugby ball]. After an emergency appointment to a Physician before going to Cape Town with my parents, I was told to take Panado and should be better in a week. Two weeks later, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t move [because I was in so much pain], an emergency flight home [whilst my dad and brother drove through the night] and straight to the hospital, I spent the next week undergoing every test to figure out the cause of my ridiculously enlarged spleen [3 times bigger than normal]; fortunately I was released on New Years Eve.
Side note: never underestimate the power of community in crisis. Even if it means loving from a distance. I will forever remember the lengths that people went to express how much they cared.
Before being discharged, I was told that I needed to have my spleen removed in the January when all hospital staff were back. At this point, that resounding question hit my mind again, when is the world going to end?
Pause. This sounds all too familiar with how life is at the moment. For so many, life is throwing some seriously low blows, and I’m sorry to break the news to you, but there are going to be a few more. The moment of crisis I experienced all those years ago, feels somehow similar to how many might be feeling right now; really overwhelmed by the unknown and asking ourselves literally, is the world going to end?
But I knew that I was going to make it through this season, and I needed to start living that way. When you’re in a health crisis, the only way out is through, no short cuts, just persistence.
Speaking of getting through the crisis, I didn’t have surgery all those years ago. I went for many other opinions and all said that surgery was not a wise option and that many people live healthy lives with enlarged spleens.
During this, I discovered that I was gluten intolerant [completely unrelated to my enlarged spleen, which 2 years later shrank to its normal size]. This was more devastating for me than finding out I may need to have surgery with a six week recovery period.
I would have taken six weeks over a lifestyle change in a heartbeat. Choosing to be gluten free conscious was a choice, a very difficult choice when gluten free options were not easily accessible, but one of the best choices I have made.
I had prayed for so many years to be healthy, as I live with many health complications. Since choosing to live gluten free, I have had the best health. We often think that God is going to heal us miraculously in the way we expect, and God can, but God also works in the miracle of knowing what to do to get us through, when there is no way out.
I will continue trusting for a miracle, that my body will one day be able to process pizza and Krispy Kreme donuts, but until then, I am thankful for the crisis that led me to be brave enough to really live.
Despite what you think, you have it in you to be brave enough to really live.
JCS
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